Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Gobbledygook

Its a disturbing world when you see Fiona Xie kissing a skinny faggot ah beng with a hair style that is screaming "EMO'" to the world.

And yet thats what i saw this morning on my way to school on the damned TV Mobile. You know how many men i singapore were cursing and swearing under their breath at that point of time?

Whats so fucking great about the Singapore Idols? I still don't get it... so they've won a highly over rated karaoke competition, that makes them what? Gods?
I've heard many other people who have better talent and voices than them, with voices that can cover more than just pop music... These guys ain't even up against the best on the island. Sheesh... i get more talent spending time at Wala Wala.

Oh yes... i was very disturbed when i saw what they telecast next... the preview of the local production of Peter Pan. Now as i recall... peter pan wore near non existant shorts and maybe green ridiculous stockings... But i do not remember him wearing a sports bra. What is wrong with these people??? Its PETER pan... not PETRA pan... i have a suspicion these people enjoy making kids wear gay clothes or cross dress and laugh at their parents clapping like maniacs and cheering them on as they prance and sing on stage like drunken hobbits in drag.

The whole country is muddled...

this makes david blaine look gay...
ShadowTrick

Sunday, August 28, 2005

And So It Is

Skipped work at the bar last night... went to Wala Wala for relaxation therapy with Song instead. Shared five jugs of beer among the two fools of us...

So it isn't surprising if i got a tad high since i havent drunk any liquor since god knows when... The band was fantastic though... started of with a great set... Kudos!



But somehow drink and a certain selection kinda made me more melancholy than happy... More so when they started playing Radiohead and Damien Rice...

All i've ever wanted was someone i could have intelligent conversation with instead of being asked the same ol' shit like "Do i look fat?" "I'm ugly" and all the mind numbing banter.. Basically i do realise that gals hang around me just as long as it takes for them to unload their troubles on me then afterwhich will say crap like "You're girlfriend will be so lucky" blah blah blah... I DO NOT NEED YOUR FUCKING SYMPATHY. I don't feel sorry for myself and i don't need someone who's life requires constant direction from someone else to give me that. Enough about whatever fictitious girlfriend i will have in the future... i'd rather you tell me winning lottery numbers than about that.

And the best part is when i've found someone i can chat like this with... Its someone i will never get. Now i know how a donkey feels with a carrot dangling in front of it.

There is so much i would like to tell her...

I guess its summed up in this song...

"And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is (he has)
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say you better want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new"

Saturday, August 27, 2005

The Odyssey aka Nice Guys Can't Smell The Finish Line

I owe an apology... to the foolish bum of a good friend that naively agreed to go out for breakfast and coffee with me after work. Little did he know what we would be doing...

So... sorry dude for making you trek the thousand miles which we did.

It started off as some good old fashioned banter during a rare meet up which is mainly my fault due to my oh-so-busy schedule.I think the coffee we took was laced with marijuana... From joking about the faggots sitting next to us to just plain blasting each other verbally just for the entertainment. It seriously was good. Its been awhile since i had a cuppa and people-watched along Orchard Road. Well... after the matter of my goin to work was brought up, suddenly came the insane idea that could only be dreamt up by the Devil's own retarded twin... "Let's go for coffee and breakfast after i finish work!"

Ok... lemme tell you about my buddy first... He is not nicknamed "Polar Bear" for nothing by yours truely. He doesn't sleep. He HIBERNATES. So asking him to go without sleep for one entire night is like asking Dracula to go for a tanning session. Unfortunately the guy agreed... and thats where the Odyssey began...

After picking up something after work i picked him up in a cab at 5am plus in the morning and we headed to Al Ameen where we ate and decided that we had made a serious error... hahaha... Its the kinda time where after caffiene, you don't feel like sleeping but feel serious bored at the same time. So that gets you abit, as we call it in Singlish, "Sian". After an hour's dawdling at the coffeeshop another inane idea was brought up... "Let's take a damned long bus ride and sleep on the bus!" Bad move...

So the trek began...


it was a good 10 minutes trek across terrain like the Serengeti...




Check out how dead we were.... Old men tire easy what can i say?

Finally managed to get on a bus packed with people goin to work or kids goin to school.. can't remember how we were actually able to wake up at this sorta hour sling our asses on a bus when we were in their shoes...

I hate noisy school kids...



My friend falling asleep within the first 30 seconds of sitting down didnt help my insomnia...



So i decided to take depressive shots of the ride....



And the fucked up thing was... i only managed to fall asleep 10 minutes away from the end of the line.... And was greeted by this unfriendly light in the sky...



God, i feel like a vampire right now... We finally decided that it was not possible to walk till SMU opened its doors so we were in search of a place to lie down.

Is it me or does all the homeless on he island congregate at Marina Square to bed down? Or is it simply that Marina offers the best facilities for making your bedroom in public? Weird stuff you see when noone's about yet...

Anyway, we thought we found a nice spot till we realised why there wasnt a homeless guy sleeping around there... When the sky lit up with some electric lights and the dawning upon us that we were the only electric conductors within a fifty metre radius... You can imagine we got out of there in a hurry, despite someone's protests that there was no lightning....

We continued out trek and finally found.... SALVATION!



So we broke in and finally sat down on some mightily comfy chairs... Guess who slept almost immediately?



And the runner up?



For those who want to try this insane thing... Pack the essentials like the goose himself...



Ipod and a bag of dirty clothing... go homeless in style~

After the nice auntie at the cafe gave us our coffee, we felt kinda better as espresso ran thru our veins...



apparently thats not all that caffiene does to you as shown here:



Kids please seek parental consent to do this if you aren't above 20...

That was on thursday morning, friday night i had to go back to work...

I hate cheapskates. You all can go fucking kah nee nah buay chao chee bye go and kiss my white ass and sod off! When people are rushing to order during midnight madness so as to take advantage of the 1 for 1 offer, you fucktards show up and thrust coupons at me... eh... if it was my last day at work, i would have lined you all up in a row and slapped your faces like a bad domino game. People with cash are rushing and you guys rush also. FOR WHAT??? You won't lose out. You don't get free drinks so why are you rushing too? There can be only one answer... YOU ALL ARE A FLOCK OF RETARDED SHEEP. Everytime i have to bypass a PAYING customer for the sake of tapping a glass of beer for someone with a coupon i want to take that coupon and shove it up the person's nose and make him inhale it into his rectum. FUCK OFF.

I'm such a nice guy people say... people say that i will get good stuff for what i've done blah blah blah... girls say that my girlfriend would be very lucky blah blah blah... But who are you all trying to kid? If you can't lie for nuts then just shut the hell up... i feel like a cancer patient being comforted by zookeepers saying that i only have a bad case of cloven hoof.Its very well known that nice guys only get the girl in movies and have good stuff happen to them only in fairytales. So what you're saying only makes us want to punch your lights out and then bury u chin deep in fire ants.

We don't finish last.. we don't finish at all. But who cares? I will still be here when my cells die.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

When Drunk Please Put Up The XMas Tree

To the motherson of a fruit that has been goin around spamming mine and my friends' blogs... I dont really give half a flying fish about some backwater "company", who's idea is a moss covered log cabin with the faint smell of rancid mold. Oh wow... its a logging company which has three employees, Uncle Joe Bob, One Legged Tim Tim and Mildred the dairy goat and its gone public. If i ever track you down, i will spam you so hard you would think that the internet has crashed on your sorry ass and shoved a trojan worm up your retentive rectum.

Ok... cussing done, lets get back to business. Had a farewell dinner for my colleague last night... May no one ever dare to tell me they will gorge themselves on my tab. heh heh heh... Watched a lame ass local movie after a stint at the Marriot. Only entertaining part of the movie was the drunk scenes, swearing and blood letting which i was probably the only mofo laughing hysterically at. I sincerely apologise to the rest of the cinema goers that had to put up with my hyena like laughter as i watched two fifty year olds stab each other with a cockscrew. I can't imagine that its possible for someone to plunge it that deep in someone else without having to twist it in. Plus of course there were various happenings in the movie that seemed so very out of place. Like the ability of a totally drunk man who is crawling along the floor to assemble a fake christmas tree, hang the lights nicely and then plug it in, after which, proceeds to catch a fish out of his aquarium and clean, deep fry and consume it. Funny shit.

Afterwhich we had coffee and got stood up. Wasn't the gal's fault anyway... poor thing was seriously busy. Anyway, while we were waiting we entertained ourselves with poor phototaking and ended up with....



For your info, the thing in my mouth is a tiny pen torch and not a cigarette. Hence the unearthly glow like that of a flaming fart.

The latest object of my desire at the moment....



Auction

Will any kind soul buy this for me? Pleeeeezzzzzzeeee?
I'm such a accessory maniac... Ha... Actually its coz i'm missing a pair of nice shades ever since i lost my Oakelys back on the return flight from Taiwan. I still rue that day. Dammit!

Tommorrow i shall run the gaunlet of tests, vaccinations and a crowd of alcohol starved undergrads. I seriously am not looking forward to tommorrow. The recent political troubles behind the bar counter have not made me anymore enthuastic to head down to work my ass off for ten hours. Furthermore the dinner provided sucks big time, i've seen far more edible stuff being scrapped off car windshields at petrol kiosks. So its not uncommon to see me eat only lunch on wednesdays, fridays and saturdays. Tragically, the break from work i was hoping for is only AFTER my exams. So i will still be struggling to juggle revision and my work schedule. Looks like i'll need to get an IV set to drip unadulterated caffiene into my viens for next 3 weeks.

Got myself a reprint of J. O'Barr's The Crow. I really love the graphic novel. Been wantin to get it for some time now. Often wish i could have a love that is as deep as Eric and Shelly's... But that happens only in fiction. Nowaday's its all about how much income i make and whether i drive a car. These two conditions were from my most recent ex girlfriend so please don't say it isn't true. Guess its the bloody country's fault... but truthfully, its our own damn fault really. We can always NOT change to this way, but of course being human we always go with the flow and blame it on society. Its like sheep swearing at the border collie blaming it for their flocking behaviour.

Getting tired... Goin to sleep off the fatigue and hope Garfield doesnt fart on me later.

To all a Good Night~

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Fine Again

Title of one of my fav. songs...

Just returned from work and thought thru alot of things while walking back at 5am in the morning when everything is between light and dark. Very good time to see things in perspective, trust me on this... especially when there's a good breeze blowing against you and your clothing flapping in it like some maniacal pigeon about to take off.

So far i've been hammered left, right and center and to be frank, there isn't anything i have to look forward to for tomorrow or even the next millenia. But i'm not gonna seppuku myself yet... As far as i know, i'm not ready to die just yet. Coz theres a feeling you get, that you're supposed to be somewhere else but you just don't know where. I want to figure that out. Somewhere on this spinning sphere of dung is a place that calls to me in my subconcious, I will find it. Before that dying isn't an option.

I realise i never manage to get the girl i like but always instead get stuck with someone whom i have no interest of. Is it coz i'm too soft and don't wish for the other half to get hurt and hence i keep my mouth shut and maintain Joker like grins when they ask me if it feels the same. I know how it feels to reach out for someone and get struck down just as you're about to ready sacrifice everything for that someone. It hurts BAD. But thats no excuse for me to do what i did. So i guess the probs i face now come from karma. Or just the powers that be version of a unusual ironic joke.

Told i was old fashioned... hmmm... so opening doors for ladies and not trying to break up couples is old fashioned? I dunno... always thought that was the right thing to do. Its about HONOR. Before you think of some crazed sushi chef wielding a large cleaver and screaming "Dozo!", i do not mean that samurai code thing. Its just that bit of personal integrity that you are entitled to have. Many friends tell me, if you like the girl, as long as she isn't married she's fair game. WTF? C'mon... thats just fucking wrong. Why would you break a happy couple up? So that you can take over? Its like goin over to a person's pad and slowly move in one article of furniture at a time and at the end of it all, confine the owner to live in a toilet cubicle at the back. Shit, what is wrong with people? Ok, I admit the opening doors for ladies and my carrying stuff for them is a tad 1800s... but thats kinda natural to me. If i'm walking with any girl and a door comes up, i automatically zip forward and hold the door. Scary shit... I'm possessed by the spirit of "Ol' Jaswant" the Doorman that expired while holding the door at the age of 98. Carrying stuff for a girl is just the right thing to do esp. if u see that its heavy or she's tired... to hell with women's lib... if nature intended that all women would look like chyna. Its just something right to do ya? i mean, its perfectly fine to give women a break once in awhile.

Now please do not ask me if i have gay tendencies... I will slaughter you and mount your sorry ass hide upon my living room wall and hang your right leg over my com. I'm very straight thank you very much. I just think differently from othe guys. I'm slightly homophobic to be frank. Which means i start to search for an offensive weapon when some gay is in the vicinity. No offense. If you're not gonna try to come on to me like a sick puppy who sees all standing objects as a bitch's arse then i'm well and fine with you. Try some of that funny shit and i'll bitch slap you like shiva and send you in a DHL Jumbo box and ship you to where the nanook roam.

Before i end off... lets have a look at the most scary shit you will see...



hahaha... its me! Please don't tell me i'm KISS... i will slap you so hard you would think i'm your mama.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Rain Forever

"I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do won't you have a clue"

I know what a dope feels like now. What a colleague asked me was quite true.. "Do you think you really stand a chance?" Yes... what a dope i've been. I don't stand a chance at all. I'm like Dumbo who hopes to take part in the Olympic hurdles and expect that my ears won't get in the way. Hence. i'm calling it quits... I've stopped text-ing with her.

It can't rain all the time? Oh but it does....

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Flowers Bloom Early In May

The title for this entry was from some gibberish i spouted last saturday. Just in case you were wondering.

Getting down to business.... I don't know if i've been played like a sock muppet by fate or if some hungry ghost is screwing things up for me coz i happened to fling a piece of trash unintentionally at it and is now on my back like an invisible monkey. I finally can start to complete the dying project of mine and wouldn't you know... an integral part of the formula is missing and my classmate gave me the wrong one so i'm now twiddling my thumbs and wishing for the spirit of Einstein to possess me and complete the crap for me in like 30 seconds.

On the other hand, theres this lady i met at work which i can't seem to decide if i like her or not... Well.. . we've been texting each other practically everyday for nearly two weeks now. We talked for four hours when we went for coffee after work and she calls me sweet stuff like Dear and Hon. However, she can't seem to talk to me in public or among the other co-workers. Shy? I have no idea... And just when things look so bright for me and my friends who are reading this drivel start to do "the Wave" and prepare to permanently burn the hair folicles off my scalp with their knuckles there is a Donkey Kong sized monkey wrench thrown into the works. You see, she gets all hot and cold... One moment there tellin me she's there if i need to talk whenever i need it and even bought for me barley water when she heard i had a fever she also starts to run when i get close at times.

So whats up? i have entirely NO idea... Its like a tennis game and i'm the furry green dyed baboon testicle thats being whanged around the court. I would get better chances knowing whats goin on if i spun a wheel and see where it stopped. She's a nice gal don't get me wrong, and i have the urge to take her up in my arms and protect her from whatever scum the earth has to offer when she tells me her issues. But i have no idea whats she thinking and i could just maybe be hallucinating from excess cat fur inhalation.

Next on the list, before i can start doing the Irish jig of Freedom i have recieved news that the next round of exams are coming in another three weeks or so... Yippee Ka Yay... Its like getting on your horse just to notice that its Bessie the Demented Dairy Cow. I might do better flinging boots at baboons and hoping that they put them on and start whistling John Denver. That made no sense whatever but i'll keep it... its been awhile since i said something like that spontaneously. I have no idea how i'm goin to get thru this round of exams... hitting the knees nightly in hope my workplace will shut down for renovations earlier so i can at least study at night.

Watched my favourite movie of all time today... The Crow! When i watch that i feel one with the darkness of the world and the feeling is surprisingly comforting. I even have an idea for a painting. The world is getting darker admit it... and i rather blend in with the true dark than that of mankind's man made one. We as a species will not last for another millenia that i can guarantee... i doubt i will even be able to live out the entirity of my natural life without being slain in some apocalyptic event. Which brings me to why i love The Crow. I have always wanted to be an "undead". Its not the power but the fact that you're a step out of the world. the rules don't apply to you anymore, in theory you're free. And well... as everyone is, i don't wish to die.

No matter what crap someone says everyone fears death. Its the thought of what happens after you die. I don't want to die cause death to me is the blanking out of conciousness. The end of thought of everything... like an old tv you just go blank, not even static. Others think of Hell... yes... the place we you go when you've been naughty... to experience how the extra crispy chicken at KFC feels and to be tormented by baboons with wings and flesh eating crickets. I don't get it... Supposedly if you believe you won't go there so why fear death? I figured they would take joy in dying... Afterall you're goin to heaven... place of eternal singing and clouds as far as the eye can see... not to be mistaken for a particular asian capital. What do i know?

Ok... time to get back to the grind... till next time...

Monday, August 15, 2005

Bang! Kapow! Splat.......

Got shot down for an extension for my overdue project. I was told that my night job was my problem hence there was no allowance for me to extend my deadline by 2 days. Oh wow... the milk of human kindness is everywhere these days. Maybe if i told them i had West African Baboon fever for several days they might extend my deadline by five minutes while i turned beet red and started frying an egg on my forehead.

So i technically have like 20 marks out of 100 deducted off my score since i didnt hand up my project on time and am unable to do my presentation today. I might as well hand in a wad of paper and some gum wrappers in attempt to bribe the roaches marking my project. Further more, the school has completely not offered the software we so desperately need for this project hence i am unable to finish the project at home on the weekend which is my only free day and hence need to book a computer that limits me to use it only for ONE HOUR. I'm so thankful. Conveniently, the software i need is also unavailable for download or for sale so i'm totally screwed by a giant baboon.

I love my school.

I wish to celebrate its birthday by lighting a few candles.

Preferably some jumbo sized ones like the ones you see on the roadside for the Hungry Ghosts and placed near the asbestos lined ceiling.

What a lovely way the school would burn.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

On a Feather And Some Mumbles

If none of you get my title of this entry don't bother thinking about it too much...

I am stressed for once. Cue insane screaming. *pause*

Normally i'm quite laid back. However the pressure of several megatons of projects which i'm doing ALONE and my screwed bodyclock and immune system which has failed in its duty to get me well and instead induces me to hack out large volumes of gunk every morning like a cat with a Volkswagon sized hairball stuck in its throat, has caused me to start sprouting grey hairs which people have started plucking from my scalp after work like happy baboons.

*deep breath*

I need like a medication that will keep me awake for 36 straight hours and induce my brain to kickstart. Unfortunately nothing i know of inclusive of certain "recreational" unorthodox medication can do that. I might be awake but i would probably trying to figure out how my hands got so big.

This is really embarrassing since i expect more from someone who has gone thru 16 hour work days with my superior from the depths of Hell's toilet. If there was a Devil he would probably qualify as the combination of his nose pickings, ear wax, dandruff and body hair. I used to be able to tough it out in ths sun or in a unventilated cell among the various oils and grease of the known world and cracking my fingers and knuckles with an assortment of heavy objects. Now a stack of engineering math causes me to break out in cold sweat. How the mighty have fallen.... well... not so mighty...

I really regret not popping pills and sleeping thru the weekends as i should have and instead ended up sleeping in class and now am completely stumped on what i should do. My grades have dropped by a grade each. No more A's for this sod. And now my projects are in a semi state of completion here and there... like some half eaten carcasses ravaged by baboons.

I need to somehow straighten myself out and try to get things in order just like during Midnight Madness. In the meantime, i need COFFEE... a thirtysixple Espresso would do the trick... or maybe just pop the beans like beer nuts... XP