Friday, September 30, 2005

Beer, Cigarettes and Body Hair

I went, I drank and I klonkered...

Wala wala was a fuckin' blast! When the lead vox of the band wears a "KNNCCB" labelled tanktop you know its gonna be a fuckin' good time.

And though i spent like a hundred bucks for that 4 short hours of audiophilical bliss, it was freaking worth it.

But before i go to there... lets all have a look at an event that may usher in the end of the world or Jesus's second coming... Song in FORMAL attire!!!!



He doesn't look really happy doesn't he?



But he has such happy socks...



And heres a pic of a baboon



Before i get my ass kicked i shall keep the other pics i took hidden.

Anyways we got down to Wala Wala to catch the UnXpected band and basically sing along loudly like an ah beng in a KTV and rock our heads till our noses were free of nose dirt. There'll be more about that latter part later on... Due to my previous several experiences of being made to stand at the bar counter and get crushed by every single idiot that wanted to get to the toilet i made a sacrifice and got there one hour early to claim a table. Thankfully i did so. As despite someone's claim that weekdays would mean a more sparse crowd, they were WRONG. It was like a sardine's nightmare up there. You could turn around and be in a very intimate position with the person behind.

But damn... there were alot of good looking ladies around that night. Now don't give me that look... Fooling around is in the genetic make-up of every male on the planet. Our main job scope is to fuck around as much as possible and spread our genetic code thru the land. Yes... even the very decent ones too. It all boils down to you deciding if you're comfortable to do what you do. I'm the only idiot who is unattached and doesn't fool around. Even got asked if i was gay.... The next person who asks me that question will either get a verbal coup de grace or an ass whoopin' he will not forget anytime soon before he untangles his balls from his throat. But yes... i could not resist the urge to look that night coz there were really too many "chio bus'" as they call it.

Now why is it i always come across a situation where malays like to pick fights? When i'm at work at the bar, or if i'm out at another bar to relax... same scenario. Do they have some thing about fighting? Its not a hundred years ago where you can only settle disputes thru combat, and in those cases someone had to die. What, technically speaking, do you get out of getting into a fight? At the end of it you either land up in jail or land up in a big drain... either way i don't see any benefits from the whole thing. And please act tough with some intelligence, you don't challenge and cuss at a guy that looks like he could rip your skanky ass up with his ingrown toe nail. If you have the mentality of a lemming then its fine... but other than that you're just looking to have your face in the obituaries.

Ooooo... i made a racist remark... i'm such an asshole... No... its a personal observation, just as much as i observe how lame chinese guys can get trying to pick up women, and the fact that most of them have a tendency to be anal. I give out my fair share to everyone. Unless you are some race of Gandhians or Mothertheresians then theres definately something wrong with you that you just do not realise till someone points it out. Thats how change comes about.

Now here is someone that i haven't seen for 2 years or so...



For safety reasons i will not mention his name here. Hahahahaha... this bugger started doing all the shit that made me and song go nuts. From flicking nose dirt onto the butch sitting in front to attempting to burn the gross pink polo tee of the same butch and then flicking the ashes into the beer and making us drink it. That fucker really makes things go mad. However, being mad is not a bad thing.... You're head tends to get clear and somehow your shoulders get lighter. A wonderful thing it is to be in the realm of insanity especially when it comes to making some irritating fucktard drink up a mug of beer mixed with your cigarette ash and a cocktail of everyone's body hair. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... i hope the shit got the runs from that. Was funny too as after he drunk it down he had a strand sticking out his mouth and he had to pull it out... LOL

Ok... i shall stop here before i gross everyone out and you all get the runs too...

Heres Shirlyn from UnXpected... Rock on woman!



Can neer get a good pic of her coz she's always in motion. xp

Friday, September 23, 2005

When Drunken Monkeys Attack

First of all apologies for making someone wait for an entry that was supposed to appear LAST friday.... haha... Was seriously too tired to type...

ok... i was procrastinating.. sue me...

Anyways, it has been an eventful week. Finally cleared all my exams. Shouldn't be that great grade wise but hope to recover my GPA next term now that i have a break from my work.

Speaking of work. My injuries from last saturday are all finally healed! We cleared out Zouk last saturday once all the drunkards and homeless people finally were made to leave the premises. What is wrong with these people that do not want to leave? Don't you have a home to go to? Or do you all just live under the bridge thats next to Zouk like die hard clubbing trolls... Not to be rascist since theres been a HUGE hoo ha about rascism in blogs... but the ones that always refuse to leave are always the... ehem... other majority race that starts with M. No offense but we are a club, not a kopitiam where you can order teh tarik or some other form of hot beverage thats made by a middle aged man wearing a sarong or dhoti and wielding two large cans big enough to be considered as weapons. Since the music has stopped and the lights are all on so everyone can see your horrible faces after 10 hours of alcohol consumption, cigarette smoke and dancing like a mindless puppet, do not fucking hang around the place like its your own personal coffee shop. We are not fucking robots. And regardless on how long you stay there i will still close the bar and NOT be serving you.

Its bloody mofos like these that caused us to only be able to start chopping up the bar at 6.30am in the morning. We were supposed to start at 5am mind you. Security had to herd them out like hooligan sheep in the end despite their constant bleating and baa-ing. But do i look like i give a rat's ass that you don't want to go home? You have been having the time of your retarded life since 8pm. I have been on my feet working non-stop since 7pm. Fuck off you.

Whats the big deal about clubbing? I don't really get it. Drinking i like. But the whole dance thingy... in Phuture all i can see are people who think they can dance and people who are practically doing the horizontal lambada on the dance floor. Alot come dressed like they are regular clubbers on the hip hop scene that know their footwork. In the end, they look like spasming antelopes in heat once Andrew Chow turns on the shit. The others... well.... lets say i will not be surprised if some female gets impregnated during the midnight madness. Its like WTF sometimes... even porn flicks do not have this much pelvic action as there is on the dance floor. I walk out of the bar to get a bottle of wino from Winebar and lo and behold, at least three couples are there with the lady RAMMING her ass against the guy behind her. Not bouncing... RAMMING... The retarded guy at the back is forever with his eyes closed and the look of extreme constipation as he tries to follow her rhythmn but in the end always fail so they look like mating geese. YEech...

Well at least there are some less animalistic people there. A few customers that i've come to recognize as regulars and the occasional friends. These are the nice people with manners and actually take us bartenders to be human and not dispensing machines where you slot money in our mouths and we piss out the drinks on the spot. These people really make your day especially when they say "thanks" and you can tell from their smile that they appreciate you breaking your back for them.

Ok... i have seriously digressed... anyways back to topic, we trashed the whole of Zouk on sunday morning. Hacked, slashed and hammered everything into carrieable pieces where we lugged to the carpark. If you think it was a clean job.... EHHH... Wrong answer. I looked like i had gone thru jungle warfare training, i was covered in mud like grease and i was limping slightly due to a crushed foot from the fridge we moved from Phuture all the way down to disco. Our hands were never once clean nor were the uniforms. So it was easy to spot any slackers that had been hiding in a toilet cubicle while we were trying to break something on our bodies the whole morning.

As a reward to oursleves, we had a company chalet. Which just ended this morning. We were probably very easily recognisable as bartenders since i doubt very few people who go for chalets bring along practice bottles and start doing acrobatics with them like some stunted chinese kid.

And since we were bartenders, how could there not be alcohol?



This was after we had all toned down mind you. We had finished several bottles of spirits before that along with a few wines.

It was kinda cool, brought my PS2 over so we had a ladies unit, a family unit, an arcade unit and a 24 hour casino unit. I swear i did not see this one guy eat nor drink the whole time he was there. He just came in, plonked himself on the floor and started dealing out cards from afternoon till the wee hours of the morning... Talk about hardcore.

Then a colleague of mine brought his kid along too. All 1 1/2years of attitude. His daughter has the best facial expressions i have seen for a kid her age. Its like she can already express sarcasm and that "i'll-get-my-dad-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-you" look. HAHAHAHA...

I was trying to avoid her when ever i had to take a smoke, till then i realised that her mom was smoking there right beside her and so were the rest. I was like... thats not right.... if i have to take a smoke i try to do t AWAY from kids and people who don't so as not to poison anyone else. But my intentions here were basically... for nothing???

Kids do grow up fast... take this for example...

Testosterone Filled Tyke

And just to lighten up the moment, this video really cracked me up as i would definately love to ask a few politicans to do the same thing. Courtesy of my favourite webby The Hedonistica.

Cheney asked to do the unspeakable

WOW... would you look at this entry....

I think i'll stop here before i hammer out a novel. Anyways need to sleep... feel like i got dinged by a sledgehammer.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Cue the Crazy Techno Kung Fu Music

A tub of yoghurt, one big spoon and I'm a very happy person.

Anyway notice much of the people viewing my blog are from overseas. Which is fortunate as i do not need to put up with the crap the locals like to dish out when they realise they are hopeless at using a keyboard for anything else save playing online games where they make believe they are gay looking characters dressed in ?armour and clothes that make Robin Hood look like Clint Eastwood. Before this sounds offensive, i specifically mean those locals who hurl shit like rabid baboons in the zoo whenever they find someone more talented are better off than them. These are the sad primates that will only stay so far in the evolutionary scale and a century down the road their grand offspring should have excessive body hair and large chins and heavy brows. They would probably be the only kids in class that would pronounce the letter "O" as "Oogh".

I go too far you might say?

Well.... If they do not consider what they do then why should i extend the same courtesy? I'm such a lover of my fellow countrymen... *cue sarcastic laughter*

Did any of you see the Kanye West video? That was funny shit coz he probably was too fuckin' high on weed to even know why he was there on TV in the first place. Chris Tucker probably snorted something on hearing that "Bush doesn't care about black people" comment... he was seriously zoning out there like a hamster on a sugar high. Please, its a very well known fact that racism is everywhere. However, if you go on national television making a fool of yourself while being high on something illegal, it doesn't help to show people how big a mistake they made with you.

In case you DIDN'T see the video.... here it is... Courtesy of TheSuperficial....
Kanye West is an Idiot

I have to take some "self-enrichment" course during my one week break. Another waste of time and money. Wanted to take leisure canoeing but its only 2 freaking days and i doubt we will go any farther than the broken down fishing raft anchored off the wharf. So i turned my sights elsewhere.. and came up with... tempura making...

WTF u might say....

i enjoy cooking ok? Influenced from my mom... if you gave me a choice of watching a movie or cook i would choose the latter. No shit.
But somehow i think my tempura thing would wind up like this idiot who's trying to be the "Shaven Chef"

Shaven Chef

*WARNING: Fucking Boring*

Time for a break. Gonna poison myself... till another time...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Fading in the Smoke of a Barrel

Ever woken up feeling strangely out of touch with your feelings. Sorta like you're on a perpetual stoning trip save for the fact that you're perfectly fine?

This has been one of those days.

Seriously feel fucking weird. Its like i expect myself to start seeing dancing baboons in technicolor dreamcoats and pink mastadons dancing round my head in a while. But yet i feel so awake. Maybe this is what you get from inhaling cat's fart in your sleep. Garfield must've let a big one fly while i was snoring in bed last night.

If i market it as a recreational drug i wonder whether i could corner the drug industry....? It doesnt make you all goofy but you do get that high brain feeling of detachment. Hell, i dont think it kills brain cells either. AND its cheap... I could just have a cat fart farm and plug these tiny vacuums on cats' arses and collect as much of the crap as i needed and maybe refine it to give a bigger kick.

Hell... i would give that shi sha, sha sha whatever place opposite paradiz centre a run for its money... C'mon in! Take a chair snort some feline fart and watch the game! And all this during your lunch break... without the risk of getting arrested or fired from your job. You will even be spared from the clownish acts that come with getting high on drugs like photocopyin your pimply arse or trying to make out with the boss's octagenarian mother...

Ok ok... i'm getting abit sick with that last one...

Anyway, realised my pool of good friends is shrinking and my pool of casual friends is getting larger... so i have plenty of people i can hang out with but can't say shit among them and a miniscule number of people i can just be myself with.

The guys have all disappeared... Thong and the rest of the old GESS people have vanished like the hairs of Hulk Hogan's head... Song has his stuff to do... and other things i won't mention here. Stelvin has gone to Thailand... Zhen, Celia and co. have suddenly vanished too. Maybe this is the reason why this place is so little like home to me. The only person at work i can speak my mind to is not being very communicative and i realise i spend more time with my ipod than people these days.

Fuck.

Well... part and parcel of getting a job and a 'normal" life as my mom calls it...
At least i still have Garfield... Can't help but wonder if he can actually understand it when i ramble to him about nothing in particular and he stares back in an almost human expression of concern.

Parents were right though... I'm more fated with animals than my own kind. I guess its coz they're much simpler just like me. The persistent one refusing to get complicated with the rest of the world.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Come Undone

Despite what the title seems to be... this isn't a depressing post.

The day was so so... Did some PR for my forum as part of the local charter. Was good to catch up with old friends.Kinda surprising since everyone there is like at least seven years older. Time really flies... everyone now has a wife and kid. My friend's daughter is so much bigger than when i last saw her. Can't believe it was her... Which means i've completely taken to living it day by day. Time in my perspective is only limited by the hours in a day. I have reached the state of absolute-couldn't-care-less-if-the-world-ends-tomorrow enlightenment. I am zen master He-who-sits-on-cacti, student of He-who-shat-on-cacti and priest of Do-i-look-like-Mother-Theresa-to-you cult of cow udder worshippers.

Had a few hours of free time after that, basically three hours before i was due to haul myself in for work so i plonked myself in town for a heavily sweetened and caffienated beverage and sat outside like a diseased buzzard looking for fresh roadkill as i indulged in my fav past time... people watching.

Hell lot better than bird watching, animals have less idiosyncrasies than humans. For example, its the first time i witnessed a backpacker march along Orchard Road with a backpack big enough to fit a pony and wearing a navy blue four buttoned blazer like what sea captains wore during the days of the Titanic. Plus a pair of beige pants and sports shoes. There are several things wrong with this picture.. Number one, the weather is like freaking 30 degrees. And you're feeling cold?? Number two, who the hell wears a blazer during a backpacking tour? Its either you seriously believe this country is so anal that if you wore a t-shirt here once you left the plane you would get arrested and interrogated for not being neat.

Then there are the various people who dress up in gear that would make Ray Charles flinch... I saw some kind of golfer mix punk metal look worn by this "mutt"... I call him that coz i can't find a better word to describe him. Complete with the ten inch spikes of hair on his head that make him look like a brown Statue of Liberty. I always need to either suppress a gag while trying not to snort the coffee i'm having out my freaking nose when these people walk past with the flair of runway models... Yea, you guys are so designer sia.... like fucking airplane crashes. I rather see a hairless Doberman's behind than you.

Work was horrible... my limds could not co-ordinate themselves with my brain for some reason. Felt bad in every physical way, had the feeling of drifting. And need i say that thats not a good sign. Fortuately i did not cause any fatal accidents and managed to get my arse home. For once i'll be able to sleep normally till the weekend... Which is prety important now that my exams are coming...

As a parting message to noone in particular, you don't need to thank me for what i do, and you will never need to.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Kreegah Bundalo

i'm slacking like a sack of wet kitty litter....
just finished a powerpoint presentation for tomorrow and conveniently forgot about the other project due tomorrow too. and i'm too bushed to do programmin now...

so i've been sinfully surfing for nonsense and have decided to share my loot with the rest of ye...

A good example of the dangers of sliding with slippery shorts. Attracts metallic structures to your crotch.
Goalpost meets Genitalia

A Korean game that would drive a leprechaun nuts....
Four Leaf Madness

Nothing much to say really today...too stoned to say anything coherent... hence i bid you all "Kreegah Bundalo"