Fear of Public Transport Deux
We still live in mortal fear of bus doors...
Somehow somewhere, a midget swindled someone out of a pack of tic tacs to grow a beanstalk for some valuable information about the SBS.
Apparently after a certain amount of time the doors will slam shut and chop anyone thats disembarking or boarding a bus to slow. The body will then be used to feed the abundant population of roaches that lurk in the bus of horror. If one is lucky, the doors will only slam shut in his/hers face and prevent entering or leaving the bus while the bus driver cackles at your predicament while digging his nose and arse simultaneously while thrusting his pelvis at your face while you plead for him to open it up like some elvis from hell.
You are then condemned to wait for another bus or till the next stop and run the time gauntlet again. Oh the horror!
The above story is fictional, any resemblance to any fact or person is strictly coincidental.
But isn't that what people seem to think? They stick bags in your arse and noses in the back of your necks at the moment they see their stop on the horizon. With all the courtesy of wildebeast and the subtlety of a rhino they "squeeze" by you rubbing you in places you would rather keep personally to yourself... Before wrapping themselves around the pole at the door like some scum sucking calamari on a stick. Positively refusing to budge till they reach their stop and get off FIRST so as to avoid the doors of tragedy.
Either that or they immediately start bonding with the pole and with a strategic placement of the gluteus completely split the bus into two sections and then jamming everyone in the front like christmas turkey stuffing while leaving the rear part free for them to pollute with the occasional flatulence.
If you think this is only on the buses.... "Deaaaaa"... Wrong...
With the arrival of automation... comes the fear of the MRT coming to life and slaying us with the doors like some Matrix Sentinel. Either that or clamming shut so tight we will all expire from the inhalation of each others armpit sauce fragrance. Hence, we all group at the door so as to make a quick desperate escape like some Stallone wannabe when the system goes haywire and the train suddenly starts making jokes about how many humans it takes to kill for a robot to shutdown.
Technology scares us so much. I propose the MRT be stripped of its computer and run by a large bearded man in a top hat and suspenders and towed along by the mutant rats that infest the tunnels. To open the doors we'll use a complicated system of pulleys and hamsters. At least with hamsters nothing can go wrong.
But until the government decides to give in to our demands for less hazardous transport. We will still need to face the daily waves of menacing buses and trains to get around.
someone save us.
Somehow somewhere, a midget swindled someone out of a pack of tic tacs to grow a beanstalk for some valuable information about the SBS.
Apparently after a certain amount of time the doors will slam shut and chop anyone thats disembarking or boarding a bus to slow. The body will then be used to feed the abundant population of roaches that lurk in the bus of horror. If one is lucky, the doors will only slam shut in his/hers face and prevent entering or leaving the bus while the bus driver cackles at your predicament while digging his nose and arse simultaneously while thrusting his pelvis at your face while you plead for him to open it up like some elvis from hell.
You are then condemned to wait for another bus or till the next stop and run the time gauntlet again. Oh the horror!
The above story is fictional, any resemblance to any fact or person is strictly coincidental.
But isn't that what people seem to think? They stick bags in your arse and noses in the back of your necks at the moment they see their stop on the horizon. With all the courtesy of wildebeast and the subtlety of a rhino they "squeeze" by you rubbing you in places you would rather keep personally to yourself... Before wrapping themselves around the pole at the door like some scum sucking calamari on a stick. Positively refusing to budge till they reach their stop and get off FIRST so as to avoid the doors of tragedy.
Either that or they immediately start bonding with the pole and with a strategic placement of the gluteus completely split the bus into two sections and then jamming everyone in the front like christmas turkey stuffing while leaving the rear part free for them to pollute with the occasional flatulence.
If you think this is only on the buses.... "Deaaaaa"... Wrong...
With the arrival of automation... comes the fear of the MRT coming to life and slaying us with the doors like some Matrix Sentinel. Either that or clamming shut so tight we will all expire from the inhalation of each others armpit sauce fragrance. Hence, we all group at the door so as to make a quick desperate escape like some Stallone wannabe when the system goes haywire and the train suddenly starts making jokes about how many humans it takes to kill for a robot to shutdown.
Technology scares us so much. I propose the MRT be stripped of its computer and run by a large bearded man in a top hat and suspenders and towed along by the mutant rats that infest the tunnels. To open the doors we'll use a complicated system of pulleys and hamsters. At least with hamsters nothing can go wrong.
But until the government decides to give in to our demands for less hazardous transport. We will still need to face the daily waves of menacing buses and trains to get around.
someone save us.
posted by The Science Of IoS at 7:05:00 PM
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