Viva La Nacho

Just got back from work.

Was "supposed" to be ladies night... Unfortunately realise many people do not know what that means. An entire exodus of men came in. Are guys that desperate??? They were in as early as 8+ and lurking in the dark corners like perverted jack in the boxes. I don't get how their tactics work... They lurk and when a gal that catches their eye walks past they either try to strike up a conversation the lamest way possible, or when she hits the dance floor, try to get into a grind with her. If it was that easy, we wouldnt need flowers and the whole arsenal of methods and tactics to get a gal to fall for you. Those kinda shit happens ONLY IN MOVIES SUCKERS.

And if all else fails? Find a buncha buddies and hump each other in the corner like little brokeback cowboys... This was witnessed first hand earlier so its not a made up story. Three guys humping each other isnt a pleasant sight to see, and no one in the house wants to see that either. Go find a room or go to the toilet please...

However, after working there for over a year... the most successful tactic is cash. If you have it, flaunt it like a rabid peacock why don't you. Many guys use this whenever possible. It works two ways, you can impress someone with the money you have or just buy her enough drinks to get her high and then "send her home". Seen the second one backfire alot of times with the guy coming to me and ordering jugs of LIT in hope of intoxicating a female, only to in the end being clueless of where his appendages are and the lady happily sober and laughing to herself what a pathetic drinker he is. There was one guy who had this backfire on him twice in a row on the same night. Most of the time he was comatose on my counter and me laughing like a maniac when i passed by.

If you ever feel sleepy and need to stay awake, here's a newly discovered method by El Capitan. Snort SALT. I did that earlier... and boy do you get awake really quick. Its like shoving a truckload of mint candy up your nose. I was basically kicking around like a wild bronco after that. Which was maybe a good strategy too, coz customers thought me mentally ill and tried their best not to order from me. HAHAHAHAHA. Lemme tell a lil secret... We bartenders know whats goin on around us. You may think we can't see you but we can. Its just that we act blur sometimes because we don't like your face, your order sucks and its a waste of our time or we just feel plain lazy and wanna make you panic during midnight madness. Such evilness...

Yes i admit, i'm a bastard to customers coz most of the time tehy really waste my time. Asking for ice water, giving me coupons during midnight madness or asking me how much is a jug of something and not having the cash to pay for it.

It applies to both male and female... I dont give special treatment to either... Women there normally want free drinks and so try to flirt with us. Only free drink i've given to a lady was elinda but she's made her choice and i'm not one to be a third party. So yea... In fact these flirty ladies are the type i tend to avoid. In fact, havent tried to get to know any lady at work. Not like Jackson who is undoubtedly the king in this field, I'm like the poor knight on a mule. I don't have the skill and neother the passion in doing this so who cares...

light is coming, the mexicano vampire needs to siesta.

Too Strong For Too Long

After 24hrs of thinking... forgive me and ignore my last post.

I'm really under so much right now i don't even think clearly anymore. So i've gievn up thinking for my own good and for the sake of others for what i say in the idiotic moments i have often are extremely not nice.

Can't sleep at all. Not like the past where i could sneak in 3 or 4 hours of sleep to get me by. But my longest snooze so far has been 2hrs... And that was yesterday after work. Everytime i close my eyes i'm haunted by elinda and adeline. They take turns to huant my nights for some particular reason. For that i can't get any sleep.

Both ladies are dear to me. Adeline is my almost exact twin, inclusive of dark side, and we can just sit and talk for hours and if given the opportunity even days maybe. However, she's not straight, but somehow i get the feeling that she's confused somewhere about where we're going. And for that reason we parted ways awhile back. Now after a few mths hiatus, she's back. This time things are different... things are almost as before before the confusion and she seems to be more "receptive"? If i could call it that.

Elinda is like my nice self and crazy self duplicated. For some reason she always seems to make me smile no matter what. We can talk for hours but not as well as with adeline. Elinda is more closed with me. Most questions are answered by a single word or sentence and to get her to talk is kinda hard at times... However we were so-called dating... But now something has gone wrong somewhere and she is also having some thoughts.

Both are people i would never hurt nor bear to see sad. But i find myself so under pressure at times to make them as comfortable as possible i never realised my ownself was like a turkey in the middle of a thanksgiving kitchen.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that i've been always the shoulder or ear that would be there for anyone 24/7. Kept myself strong for the people i feel are important and forgot that inside i was cracking up all along.

My dad is retiring next year, I need to work somehow to support myself at least and my grades aren't doing too well for me to be going into my final year of studies. My hope of getting an architectural course may be doomed to failure. I can't concentrate on anything these months, I am always tired, I can never seem to recharge fully enough to make things even more frustrating...

And i don't want anyone to worry so all the while i've kept myself to look like the man of steel never falling. Truth is i'm like a tree rotting from the inside. I can feel myself goin bit by bit... Increasingly have been prone to dark moods and my sense of humor is slipping. Smoking too much and taking too many pills. I've been constantly worrying and worrying about so many things i can't seem to relax anymore.

When will i finally get enough funds to start my driving? How will i schedule my studies next year? Will i be able to make it? If i dont get into a local course how do i go overseas? So many other worries and insecurities that i can feel the invisible load on my shoulders and my shoulder blades just feel like cracking.

Will i turn suicidal again? Will i finally give in to the depression i've always fought and won by a thread?