Thursday, March 24, 2005

Inside Out

The last entry is kinda shocking to most i think due to the fact that noone really knows i'm have this kinda side to me.

-cue laughter-

Since i've just got off work at Zouk and am under the influence of alcohol fumes, tobacco and detergent, i shall now be quite open...

My one true belief is that in this life is the gift of love.
Believe it or not! Its true... We among the entire host of living things on this planet are the only capable of feeling and truely experiencing this emotion. An emotion that gives us at time the only reason to walk on thru whatever storm concievable. It can make us accomplish amazing feats and at the same time incredible pain. Such a gift isnt given to anything else... At times i believe this is the only thing that sometimes keeps us on the path we walk.

Often this makes me believe that my brain was recklessly assembeled out of different parts of other brains... Cynism, sarcasm, romantism, dreamer, realist, bastard and goody-two-shoes all made into one. Confusing aint it?

Call me the friendly neighbourhood schzo... Now showing at certain parts of the island and Phuture.

I dream very often... and the realist part of me doesnt like it. Recently i have also hoped for dreamless nights. I do not have pleasant dreams period. Dreams of death and ghosts, to feel what its like to pass on isnt pleasant.
Other times i just daydream, thinking of what if, should or why not. Some people say its a good thing as most gifts to humanity ahve come from such dreams. But somehow the realist part of me just keeps suppressing my thoughts... hence, if i seem to be in a daze and do not notice you when you pass by please make yourself known to me... I often am i a daze due to my brain conflicts. It doesnt take much to say hi...

Well... i gotta stop here... project calls...

Monday, March 21, 2005

Lychee Martinis and Flaming Lambos Pt 2: Conclusion

well..... its been about two months since i started work. Can't say i'm happy with my performance. True... i've got about most of the cocktails and drinks down but my operation stinks.

I wanna learn as much and as fast as possible so i can help out... just doing orders and washing glasses isnt much of a contribution in the workplace.

Next week is Hell Week... four consecutive days of work... If i survive i take it that there is something called a guardian angel. Which kinda brings me to my birthday thingy i was planning. It seems things have taken a change for the worse today... it being Bloody Sunday and all... got in a real big argument with my father which really makes me question the point of any celebration during this period of time. This is a guy that really knows how to make you feel like excrement. Maybe i should just work then and say to hell with 22.

Thats my age this year for those who dont know....

Pardon me if i dont have any comedic outbursts in this entry... i really cant seem to find that cynical humor in me at this time.

To make everything just collapse.
She is seeing someone.

So i guess its back to fading into black and inhaling cancer causing agents....
I have religion no more... maybe i should do a Constantine...

Its kinda idiotic too as i didnt make any move whatsoever just being content to sit on the sidelines and seeing her happy. What a nimrod i am.
i dont even have her number. All i have is her MSN and the occasional short chats we have. Well.... it would've been a one in a million chance anyways... Fugeduboutit.

Looks like today is pretty bleak... at least i made her happy for an instant... so i've secured one less metre in Hell. Kinda makes me wonder what the hell am i still here for? I'm just wasting my time... lets give it to somemone more deserving yeah?

"I dream the crow black dream where thoughts bring me to the land which i never was,
Will i forget the person who is me that was?
Angels have left and the light does fade from the neon cross,
I dont believe in the spirits but the part of me unknown still stays till the last."