There's alot of sadness around me...
Somehow... i forget all my own probs and try to help those i can instead. Before you call me some sorta saint, lemme say that i aint. Maybe its the lone wolf in me that prefers to be the one to be with all the probs on my shoulders than the people around me... Hell... reminds me of the song "My friend Misery". Kinda sums up quite alot about my state of mind.
We are all stuck here in this time, place and plane of existence. No matter how we get piledrived into the ground i believe that there is some sort of peace for all of us. I'm not referin to the afterlife... but a peace that we are granted for our brief time here in the world of the living. We all might often see nothin but a tunnel of darkness in which we travel thru for our journey thru life but... there's a light at the end of every tunnel and no tunnel is without end. Its the same with everything. It cant rain all the time nor can there be an everlasting night. Somehow we will drag ourselves from the dungeon of our making and breathe the fresh air. I'm not the best person really to talk o these matters as i'm often a detainee of my own prison. But i still have a glimmer of hope that at least as i still breathe there is a chance that the next second of my life i could taste true happiness or the coolness of relief on my forehead.
At times i really wish i could have a sign that an angel is watchin over me... but i rather think not about the matter too often. To always look for a hope can lead you deeper into into the depths of despair. Hold that faith with you that you arent alone in your trials and press on thru the hail. The fact that you are still standing tall is proof that someone is indeed watchin over you, be happy for that.
Now i know it sounds funny for a non believer like me to be mentioning angels or guardians... my friends probably would be like... "Since when did you have such a religious like side to you??? " I dont blame them. No one is an island, and its at the darkest points of my life when all hope ceases to exist and darkness engulfs me that "someone" or "something" will give me a pinhole in my cell and give me relief in a thin ray of light in the dread darkness... I prefer to refer to them as angels as thats what angels do arent they? A sense of romantiscism too i guess...
As Blessed Union pours over my speakers with "I Believe", i feel better in some way... I do still hurt in areas many of you dont know. And i still bleed and stain the floor with my blood. This song just seems to have that effect on me with the lyrics... Its not religious like many other songs of hope... but its realistic. It instead places hope on yourself... not on angels or god or any other deities. But on our individual selves. What YOU believe makes all the difference in the end. If we all believe in a dream it will come true. However if only one person thinks of a nightmare we cant do squat. And thats the brutal fact of the world. So we can only do the best we can for ourselves and the ones who matter. Take a chance and believe...
Man, this is one of the most... soft things i've ever written. Normally i would take the comic look on life's tragedies or whatever it hurls at me... But today i guess i just wanna look at it for once in the way that it is. Its not a brutal In-Your-Face kinda world... Its actually quite soft... i have no better word for description sorry. So look at the night sky and look for a star... Its normally in darkness that light is at its brightest and most beautiful...
Peace guys. Be happy.
