Operation Freedom Killar

Today was orientation.....

I have got to be e oldest there... and i've never seen so many short ppl in my life...

Shitty la.... wanted to sleep from all e talking. And e timings get earlier and earlier...

Tmw i gotta be up by 7... crap~ Wat e hell~ since when do u wake up so early? I'll be a brain dead zombie tmw staggerin thru e halls of SP... Good luck to e person tt gives me that friendly slap on e shoulder in e morning.... And tmw will be e boring of e boring...

I WANT TO ESCAPE AT LUNCH!!!!
After tt is nothin but talkin and talkin... and then e dumb games...
I miss my dear... Cld meet her tmw if not for e stupid after lunch talking... wat the hell. Who needs ice breaker games? What r we? Kindergarteners?
Spare me la... I have a life i dun intend on wastin it on such crap...

Aftermath...

Today went by slowly... couldnt bear to stay at home... Seems e weather was like me.

Grey...

So after collecting my marine stuff went straight to shermann's place... thought the both of us cld use company. One sick and down e other juz plain down...
Watched a vintage movie "Highlander"... It helped some and didnt help some... Managed to cheer up slightly with shermann's jokes abt e movie, but certain scenes juz brought back thoughts of her... Things were already bad enough when she didnt want to talk to me. Now this? Heaven really was playin ard w me today...

Where there isnt a sun to shine, at least a moon came out for me...

She's finally talkin to me... *Immense sigh of relief*
U cant imagine how happy i was at tt moment when tt "wat?" appeared in my msn...

K... now the problem is out... My old attitude prob again... One which i havent been botherin abt eversince NS. I never want to be a mean ass ogre... but sometimes e monster in me gets out. Yea... excuses right? But its e truth... I never want to be a monster esp to my friends, my family and her.

No matter what i have to say is no use. Same story. Actions prove louder than words.. I've really killed much of e relationship i guess... I dun want to lose anythin more. If she knew only how important she is to me... I'm not writing this for her or anyone to see... from e heart to e blog. So many things i find hard to express other than anger. Coz anger is the easiest to express i guess...

And well... theres fear... I still am scarred by my last relationship... truth is i was really hurt from tt betrayal. I fear a reprisal... I dun wish to doubt but e phobia's there. Muz conquer this if i'm to slay any other demons in myself.... This has been festerin in me for 3yrs now. And this is e 1st time tt it has seen daylight... feel kinda relieved actually... What i have kept hidden is out, finally...

D-Day Part Deux

Yes... I'm always in the wrong... ITs me its me...

C'mon! BLAME F**KING ME!!!!
I cant made my feelings be known anymore? I'm a human being I'm not a robot to be programmed to only think happy thoughts. What wld u think if i did e same to you?

U wouldnt talk to me for a week... i dun even have the right to sulk for 5mins or to express myself? I get hurt and I'm in the wrong.

I have feelings too..... y cant u see that? I love this lady more than anything...

D-Day

I'm so pissed i cant even type... my head's a damn blank and i can feel e blood racing thru my veins. Already my head feels tight...

I juz cant believe a stupid piece of crap ex bf is soooooooo damn f**kin important tt i cant even be in e same IRC channel as him... Yes.. i understand she wants to get back at him.. And i've already promised tt I wldnt interfere and yet e moment i'm there i get banned. It bloody hurts i tell u... after all i've done and yet till now there seems to be no trust between us. It juz hurts...

F**k it... i need a drink and a smoke...

Day #1 of The Blog

Alright... got in this thing after havin a look at a blog by a bro who has long forgotten me....

Crap... i wanna set fire to a hmaster and let it run ard blazing... damn.. i muz be drunk... hahahahahaha...

Not meetin w my dearie today so i gotta fend for myself... looks like its me , my swiss army knife and a banana. Oh well... i'm still thinkin of e hamsters.. lost train of thot back there... ok... back to wad i was thinkin/sayin. Yea... i gotta fend for meself today. Need to check on max if there's any infection... Great news is tt e lil bugger's finally eating... Better go down to FM later to talk abt hospitalizing him...

Damn... ever since i got back from Taiwan everyone's a diff person to me... How fast crap changes when you're away... or is it coz i'm e only one tt hasnt changed? Ah well... i guess there's nothin to be done... "Let it be let it be~~~ " wise words from a dead man...

*looks at hamster*

Wahahaha... this blog thing is pretty fun... i cld juz type out my entire plan for world domination and e covert plan to convert a dead stranded whale in scotland into a tourist attraction... *hint: loch ness*

i really gotta cut down further on my smokes... went thru nearly an entire pack last nite... my commission isnt gonna last v long if this goes on... this shall be a nicotine free week for me... @*&@!&&@#! my new levis r loose! Damn it... they were alright a few weeks ago... now they r only suspended by my damn white ass... crap upsize 10x...

Bored as shit this week... i predict an oncomin rush of orchard prowling and rottin at FM... And now i have a clash of weekend activities... Y does this always happen to me?
Its like... choose your other half or your friends weekend... like where got so coincidental?!?

My com;s in a mess... i have to get a repair man on this... tt means no internet for like 1-3weeks? I'm a dead man... Argggghhhh... damn u microsoft hating hackers! *waves fist* been really down on my luck this week... pray it gets better soon...