Thursday, May 19, 2005

Watch the Birdies'

No. Its nothing to do with gay porn you sick pervs.

Don't ask me why i said that. Things just pop out of my head and i say it. I'm a direct translation person. From brain comes the direct unadulterated messege from my oh-so-vocal mouth. Hence, i often give the wrong answers for delicate situations. Therefore the people who thought i looked to be the next Prime Minister since i was 10yrs old, thank your lucky stars that i have no ties with the government besides my army reservist duty. Unless you want to see this island being bonmbed back to the Afghan age then go ahead and have me elected and i'll wave fondly to you all while i'm jetting off in a private plane and headed for Jamaica with a very fat Swiss bank account of embezzled money as the bombs start falling like hail.

I dunno why i can't stop talking sometimes really. Maybe its to make up for all the words i didnt say all those years past where my parents thought i was mute and my peers thought me as some freaky kid who was goin to be most likely to go postal when he's sixteen. Well... i didnt go postal at sixteen but i did look like it at eighteen or so i was told. Maybe i find the need to get all that stored up vocabulary out of my system before i like slow down at age 50. That is if i get to reach that age. Sometimes i can't stand the silence, so i have to speak... and that often is the gibberish you sometimes hear when my mind just comes out with some obscure statement or sound.

Maybe its because I am a loner for so long that i can't bear to face the darkness of the past life i had. I've been a sorta outcast by choice in the first half of my 22yrs of existence. Don't ask why i chose to walk that path. Let's just say i have certain monsters in me that have to stay locked up within and hence i must walk a path different from others. I've gone thru and still have depression and i still wrestle with my mind on certain areas.

My craziness and almost optimistical spirit i have now is almost unlike what i'm typing now. Some might say i want sympathy or attention. Well.... in that case i might as well have done it earlier. Frankly speaking, there isn't more than a handful of people who know of my problem. Many just think i'm just being immature at times and just out of my mind. I cant explain really why i am this way. Just like how i can't explain my inability to cry or show geniuine sadness and even love.

I'm a messed up person and i admit it. I don't car what people say, they haven't been in my shoes for a day. I've drank and smoked till i've a memory problem and my reflexes are getting slower. I feel dulled, jaded and cold. I can't feel a damned thing really.

Why i am baring my soul here now i have also completely no idea. Maybe its just because i've realised that i'm not the only one. And i wanna be the person to try to be optimistic for others in m position. I'm not worthy of that role.

I just want to get certain things over with. And i guess that the first step is for me to look in the mirror and face the person who's looking back at me.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Redbull gives you wings... So fly to Al Ameen~

So the saga continues, I shall now bitch and rant like a whiny slut and then get a barrage of flaming electronically sent letters, digits and symbols from a number of friends threatening to not friend me anymore. In the immortal words of the Singaporean... "So?!"

Like lets start with my oh-so-exciting job. I still don't understand how people can gasp and comment how cool it is to be a bartender. Lemme tell you... You're all watching too many damned movies! I work in the Shaolin monastary of Kim Seng Road, they make me memorise the three golden rules and pack me off to carry multiple pails of ice across uneven terrain and up several flights of stairs while practicing the ancient art of qing gong so that i will be able to walk on water in another ten years like Jesus did in the bible. Then i will go to Hongkong and make a gongfu movie with Jackie Chan and Stephen Chow and call myself FiFi.

To those who think a bartender is like the coolest person on the planet... please take over my job for a day. When you have like forty five thousand hands waving in your face while you are trying to make sixty flamming lambourghnis, its not cool anymore. Its like Resident Evil where a hand will just lurch out somewhere and grab you and then you see this zombie like face mumble something over the loud music so that it looks like some bad B grade horror flick where you just see the mouth moving to the background music of "Mr Lonely" and the chipmunk singing just adds to the horror.

Then when you see this 100kg keg start gyrating in front of you, your eyes will start bleeding. Then some person will just spray vomit all over the bar and start spasming in front of you, making you wonder whether he's high on drugs and is goin to die in front of you. You will then start to wonder if you should get security or just watch how the twat dies.

How stressful is the job? I've lost weight till the shorts and pants that i wore 2 years ago are too loose now. Even the pair of jeans i had in primary 5 keep dropping off my waist. For those who desire to have a high heartbeat rate and lose weight fast this is the job for you.

I'm like super off... went clubbing for 24hrs with Stelvin and Angie. Like i hate you and i spasm. Next time must finish watching "Shutter" and Heh all the way whenever the long haired one appears. Stelvin stop spaming and telling us that you hate us. You love us you mofo.

How off were we? We were the only three chinese in the six million melayus at Tunnel which was where my stomach gave up one me and i puked on the staircase and afterwhich looked like a vampire that hadn't drunk blood for like 3 weeks. Like Van Helsing would be chasing me with a wooden stake and a large mallet saying the last rites in dutch.

Then we were saying to go to sentosa yeaterday but ended up sleeping till 7.45pm and ended up goin to Al Ameen to eat prata, naan and drink all three kinds of tea. Like don't ever eat bisteak kering ever.

Now i have an insane mood to get a tattoo on my shoulder and arm or the back of my neck and shoulders. Like body art is so appealing to you when you're stoned and high on cigarette smoke and leftover redbull. One of these days i'm gonna get so hammered that i'll probably tattoo Madonna on my arm.

*spasm*